is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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