is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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