so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize