Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
