its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
