I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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