Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
