Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
