Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
