Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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