I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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