I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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