It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
