Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
