She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
