3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My bed smells like the plague
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
