Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
