Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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