My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
