thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
