you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
