I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
