If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
