No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
there is glitter all over my balls
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
