I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
