Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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