I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
