I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
