were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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