I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
