Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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