Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize