If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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