Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
