who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
