We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
