remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
