Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
