one might say we're banned from that church
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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