you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
