Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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