I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
