weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
