Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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