oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
