Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She bit a glass in half.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The adults are the big ones right?
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