Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
