I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
