After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize