We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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