I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
