Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
