You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
