I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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