i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize