i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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