Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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