He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
