Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
