You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
