He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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