I'm jealous of your bromance
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
