You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And then my night got REAL pukey
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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