Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize