Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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