I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
