if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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