I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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