I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
